I get so MAD!

April 18th, 2005 at 01:45pm Posted by Bill

After some pretty serious posts recently, I decided to lighten it up quite a bit. Here are some of my favorite quotes from The Simpsons:

——————–
Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
——————–
Professor Frink: Let the commencing beginulate!
——————–
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
Sideshow Bob: [menacing] Oh, I’ll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away… FOREVER!
Homer: Oh, no!
Sideshow Bob: Wait a minute. That’s no good.
[walks away, then runs back]
Sideshow Bob: Wait, I’ve got a good one now! Marge, say “stay away from my son” again.
Marge: No!
——————–
Marge: Now be good for Grampa while we’re at the parent-teacher meeting. We’ll bring back dinner.
Lisa: What are we gonna have?
Homer: Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you’ve been good, pizza. If you’ve been bad… uh… let’s see… poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart: Poison pizza.
Homer: Oh, no. I’m not making two stops.
——————–
Lionel Hutz: Now don’t you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I… uh-oh. We’ve drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word “kinda” with the word “repeatedly,” and the word “dog” with “son.”
——————–
Homer: How could you? Haven’t you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What’s-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn’t hear anybody laughing. Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom. Beep. Honk. Honk. Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
——————–
Homer: You know, when I was a boy I really wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what’s the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.
——————–

And my all time favorite:

Homer: Two hours? Why’d they build this ghost town so far away?
Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there.
Homer: It’s because they’re stupid, that’s why. That’s why everybody does everything.

Entry Filed under: TV, Fun