Archive for January, 2005
I swear this is exactly as it happened:
THEM: ”Thank you for calling Generic Car Loan company, this is Brenda.”
ME: ”Hi Brenda, I hope you can help me with several things. First, I haven’t received my bill for this month, but I know the due date is approaching soon. I need to find out where the bill is so I can get a payment in the mail to you.”
THEM: ”Well, the bills aren’t sent from this local office, they are mailed out from our headquarters, so I have no idea why the bill hasn’t been mailed yet. You can still just mail the check in, you know, you don’t have to wait for the bill.”
ME: ”I understand that. That brings us to the second item I need your help with. I need to get my account number so I can write it on the check.”
THEM: ”Alright, what is your name?”
ME: ”Bill Hayes.”
THEM: ”And what is your due date?”
ME: ”I’m not sure exactly.”
THEM: ”Lovely. Hold please.”
<click>
<elevator music>
<click>
THEM: ”Bill, your account number is ####, and your due date is the 8th of every month.”
ME: ”Thank you. One last thing: Can you add my wife’s name to the paperwork, so in the future she can call and get this same information?”
THEM: ”That has to be requested in writing. You will need to indicate exactly what information she can have access to. You will also need to include some way that she can be identified.”
ME: ”Why is that needed?”
THEM: ”So that we can be sure that it is truly your wife calling, and not someone else just trying to gain access to your personal account information. It has to do with new privacy laws.”
ME: ”So, how did you know it was me just now when you gave me the account number? All I gave you was my name, I didn’t even know my own due date.”
THEM: ”You know, that’s a good point, what’s your social security number so I can verify it?”
ME: ”Never mind, I got the information I needed.”
<click>
January 31st, 2005
My old boss Ted* is a master of the English language, in the same way that a hungry gorilla is a master of a bunch of bananas. During the several years I worked for him, I collected many funny examples of interesting word abuse. Here is the first of many:
Word: Pitcher
Usage: Used in place of “picture”
Example: “I took some pitchers of my house’s expensive new front door so everyone can admire it.”
* Not his real name of course.
January 27th, 2005
While watching local news a few nights ago, a story about a prostitution ring came on, and at some point the reporter made some comment about the fact that it is unlawful to “visit a prostitute.” Matt wondered about this for a few minutes, then asked, “But what if she’s your friend? You’re still not allowed to visit her?”
We had to explain what the reporter was implying when he said “visit”, and that it had nothing to do with dropping by to say hello, chatting about the latest sale at Nordstrom, discussing poetry over a spot of tea and a scone, etc.
January 25th, 2005
Here is the latest flash of brilliance from a local news anchor:
“The victim in a fatal stabbing has died.”
Of course, it would be a much more amazing story if the victim of a fatal stabbing had survived.
January 24th, 2005
He’s adorable! Here are a few pictures of him taken while his favorite Uncle Bill was holding him.
January 22nd, 2005
Jacob Aaron Hayes was born at 3:37 this afternoon. He weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces, and was 20 inches long.
Here are a few pictures taken with Gabe’s camera phone.
I’ll snap some more pictures tomorrow when we visit them.
January 21st, 2005
I can’t stand local TV news. There are so many reason why I hate it, but it generally boils down to this: I could crap a better news story than most local TV news “journalists.”
How much smarts does it take to form a question in such a manner that the interviewee’s answer can only be a pathetic soundbite? Example:
Q: “What are your thoughts on the flasher that has been spotted exposing himself in front of your daughter’s elementary school?
A: “Well, I think he is sick, and he must be caught.”
I heard this one on the day President Reagan died. The reporter was talking with a spokesman for the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library:
Q: “What is the mood here today?”
A: “Well, we are all very sad.”
What amazing insight!
Do they think we’re idiots?
January 20th, 2005
My sister-in-law Danielle (brother Gabe’s wife) is about to pop. Today is her due date, and she is ready to finally get that baby out of her. We’re all excited about the latest addition to the family.
From what I understand, if she doesn’t go into labor today, the doctor will induce labor tomorrow.
They know they’re having a boy, and have already chosen the name Jacob.
January 19th, 2005
Well, it’s been a while. This is the third (and hopefully final) domain name I’ve used for my personal web site, and I think I like this one the most.
As you can tell, this is a standard blog site, which may seem so last year, but it is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m going to try to update this much more frequently than the old sites, and with Blogger’s excellent tools, I should be able to do that; in fact, I expect to update it almost daily.
In the meantime, I have imported all of the text and photos from the previous site. I’m still not sure if I will transfer any of the RC truck videos from my first site. I guess I’ll have to see how much time I am able to dedicate to this.
It’s good to be back!
January 17th, 2005